I could tell something was wrong by the look on their faces
And by the silence.
The sonographer searching methodically
Like a deep sea diver looking for treasure,
A piece of precious pottery,
A glimmer of hope.
An internal probe and I know
“It’s not good news I’m afraid”
Those words tapping away at the dam holding back my feelings.
Now tumbling out,
Creeping, seeping, leaking
And I try to hold on to some dignity
As they explain what’s going on.
I feel myself nodding although I am not sure I know what’s being said.
I want to go home and curl into a ball.
I feel like I’ve failed.
I feel a fraud….I thought it was all ok.
My body tricking me.
I wanted to give you a gift
I let you down.