Vulnerable

28 Mar

Loss…..

I could tell something was wrong by the look on their faces

And by the silence.

The sonographer searching methodically

Like a deep sea diver looking for treasure,

A piece of precious pottery,

A body,

A glimmer of hope.

An internal probe and I know

“It’s not good news I’m afraid”

Loss,

Those words tapping away at the dam holding back my feelings.

Loss,

Now tumbling out,

Creeping, seeping, leaking

And I try to hold on to some dignity

As they explain what’s going on.

I feel myself nodding although I am not sure I know what’s being said.

I want to go home and curl into a ball.

I feel like I’ve failed.

I feel a fraud….I thought it was all ok.

My body tricking me.

Loss,

I wanted to give you a gift

I let you down.

Loss.

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13 Responses to “Vulnerable”

  1. lazfreedman March 28, 2010 at 7:32 pm #

    So sad ,and such a good poem,

    Laz

  2. ruthwells March 28, 2010 at 7:34 pm #

    Thank you. Good to hear feedback as was difficult to post.

    Ruth

  3. Lizz March 28, 2010 at 8:28 pm #

    That is incredibly moving Ruth. Now I can’t help worrying that you might not be ok? XxXxX

    • ruthwells March 29, 2010 at 7:38 am #

      Thanks Lizz. I am ok…all happened over a month ago so still working through it. Thought I’d post this as a way of helping move on.

      Thanks for concern.
      x x x x

  4. Heidi March 29, 2010 at 12:21 pm #

    So eloquent. Thank you for sharing it with us. xo

  5. Jen April 1, 2010 at 1:44 pm #

    This is beautiful Ruth, and very moving – hope you’re doing ok

    • ruthwells April 1, 2010 at 6:22 pm #

      Thanks Jenny. Am ok…just working through things.

  6. Shannon May 7, 2010 at 11:10 pm #

    I’m sorry and I love you.

  7. Shirley Lutz July 13, 2010 at 9:07 pm #

    Many know this same loss…
    Time will bring healing.
    I am sorry.
    Your writings will bring healing to you and others is very clear to see. Thank you.

  8. Briony August 13, 2010 at 7:06 pm #

    Just found your blog Ruth-very interesting!

    This poem made me cry, it’s beautiful. It sums up exactly what I felt like when I had my miscarriage-very moving. Hope you’re feeling much better now xxx

  9. Karen Cowser August 19, 2010 at 12:16 pm #

    Ruth that is so very beautifully captured and painful. Love you xx

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