So who knew grief was such a tricksy, messy busy? I have, I must confess , in the past sat and listened to others grappling with loss with a naive head slant, hand-folded, empathic look in my eyes, absolutely oblivious to the terrible, heart-stopping, cliff falling, jaw dropping rawness of grief. It is only now I see that trying to even start coming to terms with these tumultuous feelings is almost impossible.
Sometimes I forget – just for a moment and then like a cold hand on my back I jolt to reality – like waking up from a bad dream but in reverse. And this doesn’t go away.
I am trying not to bury these feelings. Endeavouring not to anesthetise myself from pain, but rather to hope, against hope, that I am learning something through this – yes even through all this. Cue the naive head slant, folded hands and empathic looks.
Nothing is the same. Everything has changed. I have changed.
Life is shaped by death. Death casts its ugly shadow, tainting all that has been and all that is to come.
Here’s to hoping that death loses and life wins……eventually.