The News in Grief…

7 Jan

So who knew grief was such a tricksy, messy busy?  I have, I must confess , in the past sat and listened to others grappling with loss with a naive head slant, hand-folded, empathic look in my eyes, absolutely oblivious to the terrible, heart-stopping, cliff falling, jaw dropping rawness of grief.  It is only now I see that trying to even start coming to terms with these tumultuous feelings is almost impossible.

Sometimes I forget – just for a moment  and then like a cold hand on my back I jolt to reality – like waking up from a bad dream but in reverse.  And this doesn’t go away.

I am trying not to bury these feelings.  Endeavouring not to anesthetise myself from pain, but rather to hope, against hope, that I am learning something through this – yes even through all this.  Cue the naive head slant, folded hands and empathic looks.

Nothing is the same.  Everything has changed.  I have changed.

Life is shaped by death.  Death casts its ugly shadow, tainting all that has been and all that is to come.

Here’s to hoping that death loses and life wins……eventually.

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2 Responses to “The News in Grief…”

  1. Alex Miller January 7, 2013 at 5:04 pm #

    Ruth, I am so sorry for your loss. Your words are beautiful in their honesty and I hope that you are able to work through this time, together with your family and your faith. Thinking of you. x

  2. Ruth Gilson January 7, 2013 at 5:13 pm #

    Brave vulnerability Ruth – says I with hands unfolded and head straight – I hope.

    I read a bit in a book recently that has really helped me.
    For me it’s not been about the grief of death, so forgive me if it doesn’t quite resonate.
    I just thought I’d share it. (though can’t remember which book or the author)
    I wrote it on my kitchen board and read it so often…..
    ‘In a sea of grief there are islands of Grace. Moments in time when you see and remember what is left rather than all that is lost’
    Blessings x

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